what's wrong with the church in america today?

why is the church "failing"?
in large part, it is surely due to the poor image of the church that's projected by christians and 'christians' today.
many see christians as hypocritical.
many see the church as an unnecessary hurdle to a personal relationship with God.
"If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand."

the church is becoming increasingly divided amongst itself.

but who is standing against whom?

on that, we needn't worry. 

we ought simply to do the will of God.

"Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."
the issues stem from the unwillingness to look inside, to admit our sins, all of our sins.
in our hyperindividual relationships with God through Christ Jesus we are trending away from the need to look at our sins, individual and corporate, and to have others help us see those sins.
because, of course, we must identify our sins and bring those sins to God as we seek repentance.
imagine God's reaction if/when one goes to God asking for forgiveness, saying, 'God, forgive me for whatever bad things i've done.  i don't know what i did, but i'm sure i did something, so can i have a clean slate now?'

we are continuously and increasingly isolating ourselves. 
we spend more times on smartphones and tablets.
we spend more time with netflix.
we spend more money donating with a click of a button.

the ancient desert fathers of the church who lived as hermits and even monastics of today who live in communities don't do so in isolation.
they play a specific role as a member or members of the church, the body of Christ.

in challenging times, these days where challenges from all angles, angles that are political and financial and institutional (the church itself faces internal as well as external challenges) and spiritual, we first ought to look within ourselves before taking action.
we must look within the church. 
to understand and possibly to redefine what the church is.
to inventory our resources, our leadership.
to regroup and restrategize and revitalize and regrow.
we are the living body of christ.
we are living muscles. and they need to be exercised and trained.
"But no one can enter a strong man's house and plunder his property without first tying up the strong man; then indeed the house can be plundered."

we got to get strong.

we got to get tough and act tough in tough times.when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

people have been following Christ Jesus for 2,000 years.
people have been following God since long before that.
the church will not die today. or tomorrow. or the day after that.
but, it's no excuse for any of us to sit idly by and not live out the lives and the love we are called to live. 

how deep is that call within you?
how loud are those groans? 
is that call to love louder than the shouts of the world of greed, of selfishness and self-centrism, of hyperindividualism and isolation, of egoism, of violence and anger and rage and hate?

if we are members of the body of christ, we must live as individual members working together with other members to move the body of christ!
we must go to church, a community, a body of believers.
we must pray with a body of believers. let's hold hands while we do it and physically, tangibly, be one body.
we must move the body out of the church into the world.
we must show the world we are the living body of christ.
we must exhibit to others that love of Christ.
we must live in and live out the love of God.

the death of spirituality in america

today, the rev. billy graham entered eternal life with our father in heaven.

i believe this marks the death of spirituality in america.
spirituality has been dying in the past few decades, aging slowly, hanging onto life, clinging in the last few years.
today, though, spirituality expires. 
usonians have been placing our spirituality in the hands of others.  we expect someone else to take care of it for us.  if we tithe, the pastor can handle the church.  if we pledge, the priest will pray long enough, hard enough to keep the parish right with God.  if the priest says the right words, we'll all be forgiven. 
on a related note, it's funny that usonians tend not to believe in the sacramentality that scores sacred orders and we tend to place our spirituality not in an office or a person, but rather in a corporate entity like a denomination or a brand (like rev. billy graham).

without a face or voice like rev. graham's, what will usonians do?  how will usonians react?  how will we manage our own christian spiritualities? 
will we realize we must take charge of our own spiritualities, realizing the full impact and potential of the personal aspects of the christian faith?  or, will we find the next best thing - the next loudest voice on the radio, the next pretty face on the tv, the next cool pastor on social media - and see how long that rides out for me, never mind my communities, my family, my children, the generations of human beings to come? 

postulancy

i received a phone call from the bishop today

i have been offered and i accepted postulancy to the holy order of priesthood in the episcopal church

what a wonderful feeling!

to have my calling affirmed by the church.

i so pleased and so blessed.

and i am so excited to begin the process of formation.

it's such a joyous feeling, that feeling of belonging.

that feeling of knowing this is where i'm supposed to be.

and where i'm supposed to be going.

that feeling of knowing this is what i'm supposed to be doing.

it's almost ineffable, the feeling.

in some ways, it's hard to describe.

those who have found their calling in life may know what i'm describing.

::sigh::

what a feeling.

now i just have to figure out where to go to seminary....

peace,

jo

liturgy

the other day after officiating evening prayer, one of the persons attending told me she really enjoyed my officiating in particular and really feels the Holy Spirit present
i was humbled.
and a bit speechless.
it's such a joy for me to officiate.
perhaps liturgy is part of my calling in ministry.
i also very much enjoy singing in the choir.
i feel so at home in worship.

also, at the postulancy conference, i was asked to read the Gospel for morning prayer.
afterwards, a laywoman told me she loved my reading, and she'd listen to me read all day.
i was so pleased to hear this because i think reading and liturgy is part of my vocation.

part of what i need to develop is confidence in my gifts and talents, something pointed out to me at the postulancy conference.
i think it's time i recognize and really own my reading and liturgy gifts.

lots of love, 

jo

hangover

ugh

i feel hungover

yesterday i attended the postulancy conference for aspirants of our diocese seeking priesthood and diaconate

after a full day of full-on pouring out of my spirit, i feel hungover

i honestly feel like i was put drinking yesterday evening and had just one too many

my fellow aspirants carl's friend calls it a vulnerability hangover

it really takes a lot of energy to be so vulnerable, to open up so much

i might call it a spiritual hangover.  i think this feeling can be had after any times of really opening our selves spiritually

being so open and in tune with things and people really requires a lot of energy.

even last night when I returned home i turned into a sloth

(funny enough, as i'm writing this i remember carl telling me he'd turn into a jellyfish and i wasn't sure I knew what he meant.)

as we were leaving yesterday father pae told me i could take off today and now i know why he suggested it: i was on a vulnerability bender.

i'm hungover.

the reason for the season

a couple years ago, i got an 'advent calendar' from trader joe's

i was excited for my first one; i never had one as a child

naturally, i had no idea what i was doing and wondered when to start

the first day of advent

easy. no problem. when is that? 

late november

but, there are only 24 little dates/boxes/chocolates on my calendar

ooooooo

IT'S NOT A REAL ADVENT CALENDAR

IT'S A DECEMBER COUNTDOWN-TO-CHRISTMAS CALENDAR

-_-

we obviously enjoy a season of preparation, but it's clearly been misappropriated from the church, the kalendar, and the real reasons for preparation.

(note to self: write a post about lent)

trader joe's (and i'm sure countless others) make 'advent calendars'

magazines even create faux advent calendars, like the love advent calendar.

if we really want or need this preparation, for what exactly are we preparing?

the season? of giving?

new research indicates more and more americans see or experience christmas as a religious holiday.

we are less and less affiliated with a religious institution these days.

part of we as american like to experience around the holidays is the so-called 'season of giving.'

we like to give.

the internet has enabled us to give and give and give.

give to each other with access to any gift ever.  thank God for amazon!

give to others with access to charities and organizations. 

we like to give money from the comfort of our own homes.

we can 'respond' to crises on the other side of the world by donating to the red cross.

we can give money to organizations to help victims of natural disasters who are our own neighbors.

we like to give...

money.

this is evident in the general responses to the hurricanes and fires and earthquakes.

millions of dollars were raised in mere hours. see j.j. watt and houston.

sure, money makes the world go around.

and, financial support (tithing, offerings, alms-giving) has it's place.

it is a vital spiritual practice.

it is not the spiritual practice.

hardly will we find someone these days who is 'holier than thou'

easily will we find someone who is 'busier than thou'

one of the many invaluable life lessons i learned from my high school soccer coach is this:

you will not grow if you do not challenge yourself

are we really stepping out of our comfort zone by sitting in our computer chair and clicking 'donate'?
(as i sit at my office and type this)

think about it, though: you will not get physically stronger without some challenge or resistance.

mentally, we grow by challenging our minds, asking questions.

i believe this applies spiritually as well.

we cannot grow as christians if we do not challenge ourselves, if we do step outside of our comfort zone.

jesus commands us to do just that: step out of your comfort zone.

just as jesus gave himself - all of himself - for us, we are to give ourselves for others.

if we only give money, what are we really giving?

black friday

brace yourselves

black friday is coming

let me throw in my two cents

i'll join the chorus of voices screaming for us all to abstain from black friday

WHAT ARE WE DOING?!

WHY ARE WE PULLING ALLNIGHTERS (sleep is another topic i want to discuss in the future) OR WAKING UP EARLY OR CAMPING OUT TO FIGHT THOUSANDS OF OTHERS LIKE US JUST TO GET A NEW TV OR A PAIR OF SNEAKERS OR A BARBIE?!?!

i understand acts of service as part of giving in this season that is supposed to be about giving, but participating in black friday is just another (and probably the ultimate) way we give any sense of holiday to corporate america

go ahead and stop whatever you're thinking about how unpatriotic or communist (or both) i am

i'm even going to try to avoid online shopping as the system typically used is just crazy

radiolab did a piece on it and it's mindblowing what those workers have to do, the exploitation of the system

do yourself a favor and spend 20 minutes on this story.

lots of love, 

jo

holiday season

today is all saints day.

it may be the beginning of a "holiday season", but it's certainly not the beginning of christmas.

well, at least, not for those who are christians.

let's get this straight:

christmas, liturgically, begins either at sundown christmas eve or christmas day itself.

and, it then continues until epiphany.

the release of the starbucks holiday cup is a soul-crushing calendar landmark, if you ask me. 

why is this something we anticipate?

what does a coffee cup have to do with celebrating holidays and the incarnation of the christ?

why do we need a multinational corporation to govern our calendars and seasons of life?

two years ago, the starbucks removed "holiday" symbols from their red holiday cups.

and, by "holiday" symbols, i mean things like snowflakes, snowmen, and santa.

people. 

freaked. 

out.

many claimed it was a 'war on christmas'.

because to many a red coffee cup that didn't have snowflakes on it is persecution of jesus christ (and guy who (probably?) didn't ever see snow) and his followers.

i hope we learned a lesson from this:

we should not allow corporations to dictate the seasons of our lives.

we should not allow things like starbucks to dictate our holidays, our days of holy and sacred worship and praise and reflection and learning and growth.

the seasons of our lives and felt and lived through the body of the church.

and, yes, the seasons of the church should part of the seasons of our lives.

just as much as the earth's season our part of our lives and births & deaths are part of our lives.

if we really are christians, we ought to have christian seasons in our lives.

what a better way to observe that than through the liturgical calendar.

so, until advent, i will continue in my after-pentecost time.

bah, humbug!

lots of love,

jo

signs

yesterday, i was riding a bike in the city and was stopped at a crosswalk in the bike lane, with other cyclists.

note: the bike lane is separate from and adjacent to the pedestrian crosswalk.
the light changes and we all start to cross, but there's a lady walking towards me and the crossing cyclists, forcing all the cyclists to a halt. she stopped as well and looked up at us the cyclists like we the ones wronging her, muttering, "what the f#$%?"
as the cyclists, including myself, calmly and politely (honestly! we were calm and polite!) told the lady she's in the bike lane (and going the wrong way), she refuted by pointing out there was no bike painted in this 'crosswalk' and continued to act like she had the right of way, right in mind and right in law.
she eventually walked around us, rather unhappily.

as she ceded passage and i was able to bring my eyes back up to the horizon, i noticed a sign posted on top of  a pole at end of the crosswalk/bike lane, directly in the middle of the two lanes.  the sign clearly indicated bikes on this side using the bike lane, pedestrians on that side using the crosswalk.

i continued on my bike ride and wondered why the lady couldn't look up and see the sign; she only wanted to look down at the path.
instead of looking up and learning from an objective source where she should be, she was looking down and misconstruing a lack of signage or indication as to where it was acceptable for her to be.

i struck me that many of us walk through life in a similar fashion.  we are so concerned of the world in front of us, we never stop to consider any signs from above us.  even worse, this lady created a situation of "me vs. you", a classic dualistic situation where she wanted to emerge as victor. 

i pray we all keep our eyes and hearts open to the world around us and also for signs from above our heads, signs that require discernment, signs that require patience, signs that require humility, signs that require empathy. 

lots of love,

jo

i realize i'm (potentially) moving into phase of my life where my life may be more public.

acknowledging that and without spending the time and energy to comb through my past posts and comments and whatnots, i just want to say i am a new and changed person.

the things i've said in the past may not be the same things i would say today.

even the manner in which i said things in the past may not be the same.

i've always been one to move forward and look forward.
although our pasts shape us individually, i believe in leaving the past behind.
i believe in becoming better and more than our pasts, learning from our pasts.
i believe in learning about the present of others. 

i hope you will learn about my present, too.

peace,

jo

anxiety

amidst my anxiety, i have been reminded i must keep Christ at the center of my life and heart

this can be done in a few ways, but certainly prayer and the Act of Communion are chiefly important

i await word and i open myself to the Holy Spirit

peace,

jo

ember day trial

i have decided, somewhat on a whim, to try to fast this set of ember days starting today as i am in the middle of my discernment and await word from the diocese if i will move forward.  it will be a practice i aim to uphold throughout the year for all ember days if i am granted postulancy and seek ordination.

i will admit at this point it's partly to pray for myself and my discernment, petitioning God to make me a priest for God's people.

although i exercised this morning and took a protein shake with milk, i'll fast through sunset today.  i realized it was an ember day when i got to my office and looked at my calendar. 

rosh hashannah starts today at sundown, so i hope to find some connection to the jewish roots of our faith as we entire the jewish new year.

peace,

jo

addendum
what a day to choose to fast.  i'm feeling sluggish already at 11:30 a.m. and i'm getting straight up slammed at work. 

addendum
fasting again friday 22/9 for the 2nd of this ember day set.
very fruitful, but i very much feel in the middle of it.
i pray tomorrow is also deeply cleansing.

fisheaters.com has some tremendous resources for learning about ember days (and many other traditions) and even for discussing with/teaching to kids.
for instance, i learned that in old folklore, the weather of the ember days would predict the weather of the upcoming months.  for instance, the 20/9 wednesday ember day foretells october's weather, 22/9 friday ember day foretells november's weather, and 23/9 saturday's ember day foretells decembers weather, and so on.

addendum
this (set of) ember day(s) proved to bring me closer to God through Christ with the Holy Spirit, quelling some internal currents and filling me with peace.

writing vs. speaking

i revealed to a friend my writing/journaling style, how i just tend to flow a stream of consciousness
she pointed out how that's essentially the exact opposite of my speaking style, how i take time to formulate thoughts

it is curious thinking about that, how i don't like to put my thoughts down on paper in raw form.
but, i like be very careful with my spoken word

i guess writing is more of a vehicle to just spit out thoughts, just to get it out and recorded, although it is recorded permanently.
the spoken word to me means more to me because it has a direct and immediate audience or recipient.  the spoken word must mean something to them.  it shouldn't be just letting words flow free; it should be calculated and precise. 

i've fallen out of practice of writing in general, but aim to pick it back up again.  whether that's here or physically in a book.
i like it here because it doesn't take up physical space.
i like physical writing for the feel, though.

been a while, but I can get to that later.
I need to jot down thoughts/feelings while I have them.

today I'm feeling really connected.  or, maybe inspired or motivated are more accurate.
listening to some podcasts and I feel more confident that ordination is what I want and need to pursue.
I still question the legitimization of theology/education or perhaps authority (in the eyes of others), but I feel I want to use that education and "authority" to encourage individual spiritual experience.  I feel people need to know there is more to church than 90 minutes on sundays.
Listening to people talk about theological or spiritual topics, I feel I lack the eloquence with words to express appropriately the ideas and feelings in order to have people understand spirituality of Christianity. these on radio or in podcasts or in books do it so well and it inspires me. I want to do that to bring Christianity in all it's beauty and wonder to each individual person and open and guide their spirit to truth.

perhaps it just a matter of writing more or reading more or sheer practice.

back to work.

love,

jo

a need to record things (7/2015)

I feel it is important to record things.

Thoughts. 

Feelings. 

Happenings. 

Yet, I haven't done that in so long. 

I feel I am entering a phase in my life where this desire (perhaps need?) to record is resurfacing, as if I buried it or just tried to leave behind me. 

I need to procure an actual journal to give myself completely free license to record anything.  I feel using this medium requires me to use some restraint, but I subconsciously do so even though I've previously said I use this as a journal. 

I can't be entirely open and honest here, can I?

Cheers to thinking. And, recording.  And, living.  And, loving. 

jo

(untitled)

life, if one were to consider it a 'thing,' is the most precious gift given to us.

life is the basis of all things we know. 

we do not know death.

we try harder and harder to understand the unknown and unliving, such as dark matter or anti-matter. 

our culture is fascinated by the undead like zombies and vampires.

isn't life so hard to understand sometimes? 

i'm not talking about one's life. 

i'm not talking about 'what do i do with my life? what kind of job should i get? what should i study?' kind of life.

i mean, life.

you know what helps me understand life and everything connected to life?

love.

love.

love in the broadest sense.

love puts everything into perspective, right?

love is found in my faith, and vice versa.

often, they can be synonymous and exchanged for each other.

and much like james spoke of faith in his famous epistle to all christians, i submit love without works is dead.

for what good is our love if it is sheltered within our heart?

what good is water if it is not drunk?

furthermore, what good is our love to those who surround us? 

our love is better suited for those we surround.

much like our faith is a candle to be held out in the open, to light the way for the world, the love in our hearts is to be poured out to anoint all those we meet and see.

i'm just rambling again.

but one day, this will all make sense.

to you and me.

lots of love,

jo

blogging is a game of streaks.

i've become quite horrible at posting blogs anymore.

chalk it up to sheer, pathetic, unfortunate apathy.

i feel i must first correct my job position i described in the last post.

i stated i was a legal secretary. that sounds...inaccurate.

i'm a legal assistant. big difference. 

maybe not. i feel like legal secretary means...secretary.

but i believe legal assistant sounds more like paralegal, and that is much more similar to the work i do.

in the world of legal assisting, i was recently moved to my own litigation.

big step up. quite literally, as well.

i was previously working in the basement. now, i work on the 5th floor. it actually has windows! 

though the air temperature isn't as cool as in the cellar.

funnily enough, most people don't even know a team works in the basement. 

yet, still on the small pay. 

it might become permanent (with permanent-position salary, fingers crossed) in a couple months, once i hit the 6-month mark. 

only time will tell. 

in other news, relationships are tricky.

i think anybody who has been in a relationship more than 6 months knows exactly what i'm saying.

but, on the other hand, and even more so, relationships are very rewarding.

i am so grateful to God for my relationship.

and my job.

and my family.

and my friends.

lots of love,

jo

guess who's back? back again?

salutations.

i just can't quit this thing.

maybe it's because i feel like i'm writing for an audience and writing here boosts my ego.

maybe i just feel like i need to journal my life. 

whatever it is, I MUST WRITEEEEE!!!

it feels good to write, yes?

liberating.

inspiring.

so, quick notes to catch up; details to follow later.

i'm back in the u.s., back in the u.s., back in the u.s. of a. 

i currently reside in bayside, queens, new york.

i moved to new york to be with my dearest carolyn. 

i work as a legal secretary.

only a temp job, so i get paid peanuts.

but a job nonetheless.

i work with defective medical devices and medicine.

it's about as interesting as it sounds.

no, it's nowhere near that interesting.

i miss korea.

and i miss you, blog.

and i miss you, reader.

ahhhhhh....

that felt good.

let's do this more often, shall we?

lots of love,

jo

what is this thing?

oh yeah...i have a blog, don't i?

wow, has life/korea been crazy lately:

work has been rough;

then, i became head instructor/assistant manager;

had to work for a month averaging 13.5-hour days, sans overtime pay;

i'm currently on a week-long vacation and i've done pretty much nothing;

decided i'm returning to the states.

that's right: i'm coming back to the U.S. of A.

more importantly, before that happens, i'm going to spend 2 weeks in okinawa with my boy of all boys, friend of all friends, matthew houck. 

more on my re-entry plan on the next post. 

maybe some catching up on korea, too, though i guess that could be reserved for direct conversation or questions.

lots of love,

jo