ember day trial

i have decided, somewhat on a whim, to try to fast this set of ember days starting today as i am in the middle of my discernment and await word from the diocese if i will move forward.  it will be a practice i aim to uphold throughout the year for all ember days if i am granted postulancy and seek ordination.

i will admit at this point it's partly to pray for myself and my discernment, petitioning God to make me a priest for God's people.

although i exercised this morning and took a protein shake with milk, i'll fast through sunset today.  i realized it was an ember day when i got to my office and looked at my calendar. 

rosh hashannah starts today at sundown, so i hope to find some connection to the jewish roots of our faith as we entire the jewish new year.

peace,

jo

addendum
what a day to choose to fast.  i'm feeling sluggish already at 11:30 a.m. and i'm getting straight up slammed at work. 

addendum
fasting again friday 22/9 for the 2nd of this ember day set.
very fruitful, but i very much feel in the middle of it.
i pray tomorrow is also deeply cleansing.

fisheaters.com has some tremendous resources for learning about ember days (and many other traditions) and even for discussing with/teaching to kids.
for instance, i learned that in old folklore, the weather of the ember days would predict the weather of the upcoming months.  for instance, the 20/9 wednesday ember day foretells october's weather, 22/9 friday ember day foretells november's weather, and 23/9 saturday's ember day foretells decembers weather, and so on.

addendum
this (set of) ember day(s) proved to bring me closer to God through Christ with the Holy Spirit, quelling some internal currents and filling me with peace.

writing vs. speaking

i revealed to a friend my writing/journaling style, how i just tend to flow a stream of consciousness
she pointed out how that's essentially the exact opposite of my speaking style, how i take time to formulate thoughts

it is curious thinking about that, how i don't like to put my thoughts down on paper in raw form.
but, i like be very careful with my spoken word

i guess writing is more of a vehicle to just spit out thoughts, just to get it out and recorded, although it is recorded permanently.
the spoken word to me means more to me because it has a direct and immediate audience or recipient.  the spoken word must mean something to them.  it shouldn't be just letting words flow free; it should be calculated and precise. 

i've fallen out of practice of writing in general, but aim to pick it back up again.  whether that's here or physically in a book.
i like it here because it doesn't take up physical space.
i like physical writing for the feel, though.

been a while, but I can get to that later.
I need to jot down thoughts/feelings while I have them.

today I'm feeling really connected.  or, maybe inspired or motivated are more accurate.
listening to some podcasts and I feel more confident that ordination is what I want and need to pursue.
I still question the legitimization of theology/education or perhaps authority (in the eyes of others), but I feel I want to use that education and "authority" to encourage individual spiritual experience.  I feel people need to know there is more to church than 90 minutes on sundays.
Listening to people talk about theological or spiritual topics, I feel I lack the eloquence with words to express appropriately the ideas and feelings in order to have people understand spirituality of Christianity. these on radio or in podcasts or in books do it so well and it inspires me. I want to do that to bring Christianity in all it's beauty and wonder to each individual person and open and guide their spirit to truth.

perhaps it just a matter of writing more or reading more or sheer practice.

back to work.

love,

jo

a need to record things (7/2015)

I feel it is important to record things.

Thoughts. 

Feelings. 

Happenings. 

Yet, I haven't done that in so long. 

I feel I am entering a phase in my life where this desire (perhaps need?) to record is resurfacing, as if I buried it or just tried to leave behind me. 

I need to procure an actual journal to give myself completely free license to record anything.  I feel using this medium requires me to use some restraint, but I subconsciously do so even though I've previously said I use this as a journal. 

I can't be entirely open and honest here, can I?

Cheers to thinking. And, recording.  And, living.  And, loving. 

jo

(untitled)

life, if one were to consider it a 'thing,' is the most precious gift given to us.

life is the basis of all things we know. 

we do not know death.

we try harder and harder to understand the unknown and unliving, such as dark matter or anti-matter. 

our culture is fascinated by the undead like zombies and vampires.

isn't life so hard to understand sometimes? 

i'm not talking about one's life. 

i'm not talking about 'what do i do with my life? what kind of job should i get? what should i study?' kind of life.

i mean, life.

you know what helps me understand life and everything connected to life?

love.

love.

love in the broadest sense.

love puts everything into perspective, right?

love is found in my faith, and vice versa.

often, they can be synonymous and exchanged for each other.

and much like james spoke of faith in his famous epistle to all christians, i submit love without works is dead.

for what good is our love if it is sheltered within our heart?

what good is water if it is not drunk?

furthermore, what good is our love to those who surround us? 

our love is better suited for those we surround.

much like our faith is a candle to be held out in the open, to light the way for the world, the love in our hearts is to be poured out to anoint all those we meet and see.

i'm just rambling again.

but one day, this will all make sense.

to you and me.

lots of love,

jo